| Airport Luggage from Why does so much luggage | | | | luggage carousel is always full? Who's are all those |
| get lost at airports? And how can you prevent it? | | | | suitcases? Obviously, the airlines buy suitcases just to |
| Since the beginning of time, man has been dreaming | | | | fill up the carrousels -- by dazzling you with an array |
| of flying. On December 17, 1903, Orville Wright turned | | | | of colorful (empty) suitcases, they figure it'll never |
| that dream into a reality when he flew a plane 120 | | | | dawn on you that your suitcase is in a holding pattern |
| feet in 12 seconds. Today, with jets cruising at | | | | somewhere over Singapore. |
| speeds of Mach 0.8 (Mach 1 is the speed of sound), | | | | Another serious problem plaguing the airline industry is |
| man sits in airport terminal buildings -- "canceled" and | | | | the long delays. Sitting in an airport terminal building |
| "delayed" -- still dreaming of flying. Why is that? | | | | for what seems like an eternity, waiting to board a |
| This being the vacation season, it is important to be | | | | flight, sort of makes you wonder whether supersonic |
| aware of some of the shortcomings of air travel. | | | | jets were invented just to make up for time lost at |
| Good flying means never having to say "I've been | | | | airports. Surely something more can be done to |
| bumped" or "Where's my luggage?" (Not that these | | | | alleviate this frustrating situation. Perhaps they should |
| two mishaps are the worst things -- Amelia Earhart | | | | have a flight attendant on the ground instead of on |
| never got bumped and her luggage was never lost.) | | | | planes -- would you rather be comfortable on a |
| Probably half the people reading this article have had | | | | two-hour flight to Florida, or a two-day wait at the |
| luggage lost by an airline at one point or another. Yet, | | | | airport? And it wouldn't hurt to have a post office at |
| most people don't seem to take any precautions to | | | | every airport -- just in case your passport expires. |
| avert such problems. The trick is to outsmart the | | | | The key to survival in the airline jungle is good |
| airlines. | | | | planning. If your vacation begins, let's say, the |
| One method of reducing the odds of losing luggage is | | | | morning of January 15th, be at the airport no later |
| a tactic developed by nuclear war strategists. For | | | | than July 23rd. This should give you enough time to |
| every suitcase you take on a trip, bring along four | | | | get cancelled, bumped, delayed, held over, rerouted, |
| empty decoys. The chances of losing the "right" one | | | | and inconvenienced, and still get to your destination |
| is thereby reduced to 20 percent. If, with these kinds | | | | on time. Of course, this should also give you enough |
| of odds in your favor, you lose the "right" one | | | | time to get from New York to Florida on a rubber |
| anyway, whatever you do, don't spend your | | | | raft. But setting up a projector and screen on a |
| vacation in Las Vegas. | | | | rubber raft could interfere with air currents and you |
| If the airline loses all five suitcases, it's not an | | | | could wind up in Singapore along with other people's |
| accident -- they're out to get you! I would strongly | | | | luggage. So this is not recommended. |
| suggest traveling by boat. If a submarine is available, | | | | I think the whole mess could be straightened out |
| all the better. (On a submarine, instead of movies and | | | | with a few simple changes. They should put airline |
| snacks, they allow the passengers to look through | | | | traffic controllers in charge of luggage -- this may |
| the periscope and watch dolphins fly through burning | | | | cause some suitcases to collide every once in a while, |
| bagels.) | | | | but at least we'll know where they are at all times. |
| The worst part about losing a suitcase is when they | | | | To eliminate delays, every cockpit should have a |
| find it three months later and you no longer fit into | | | | pilot, a copilot, and a New York City cabbie -- a few |
| the clothes you bought for your vacation. | | | | sharp turns, a couple of loops, a nose dive here and |
| There's one method which can totally eliminate the | | | | there, and every plane would be on schedule. Finally, |
| possibility of losing luggage. Instead of telling an airline | | | | the baggage handlers should be put in charge of |
| you want to go to, let's say, Florida or Bermuda, tell | | | | nuclear waste -- the United States government has |
| them you want to go wherever your luggage goes. | | | | been trying for a long time now to find a way to get |
| How can they possibly mess up? | | | | rid of nuclear waste so that it never resurfaces. Are |
| What bothers me more than the lost-luggage | | | | there any people better suited for this job than |
| problem, though, is the cover-up. Ever notice that no | | | | baggage handlers?by Josh Greenberger from |
| matter how many suitcases are lost on a flight the | | | | shopndrop. |