The United States Military Needs to Invade Norway in order to be Awarded a Nobel Peace Prize

Background:The 2005 Nobel Peace Prize wasresults.What about the US military? Have they ever
awarded to the IAEA. Don't know who they are?been honored? Let's review what they have done.1.
They are the International Atomic Energy Agency.They almost single-handily defeated the empire of
What did they accomplish? I don't know. Did theyJapan in WW II while simultaneously helping the
prevent the proliferation of atomic weapons in NorthSoviet Union defeat Nazi Germany.
Korea or Iraq? No. But they meant to and that is2. Their presence in Europe after the war maintained
usually good enough for the Nobel Committee. Thesepeace in Europe for 45 years. Has Europe ever seen
Norwegians (the Peace Center is in Oslo, Norway, not45 years of peace?
Stockholm Sweden) are idealists, intentions go a long3. They were the bulwark of NATO forces that
way with them.Let's review some of their otherprotected Europe (that includes Norway) from Soviet
stunning awardees.2004- Wangari Muta Maathai.invasion for 45 years.
Already forget who she was? That was just last4. They have kept the peace on the Korean
year. She is an AIDS activist and environmentalist. No,peninsula for the last 50 years.
she did not get the prize for medicine or chemistry.5. They ended the Cold War and communist
She received the prize for peace. Despite manyhegemony over Eastern Europe.
advanced college degrees, she is an AIDS conspiracy6. They are currently almost single-handily fighting
nut who thinks that the virus was created by thethe international war on Islamofascism.
western governments to destroy Africans. She was7. They are routinely dispatched to extinguish small
supposedly selected because she drew attention tobrush fire sized wars throughout the world.
political oppression in her fights with her home8. They are routinely dispatched to feed starving
government of Kenya. Drew attention? Did shecountries and respond to natural disasters such as
accomplish anything?2002- Jimmy Carter. Really? Forearthquakes and tsunamis.
his work, where? North Korea? Haiti? Has anything9. They are the only peacekeepers nobody messes
really improved in those two countries since his visits?with. They actually keep the peace.
Maybe former president Carter and the Nobel Peace10. They keep international sea lanes open to
Committee should move to either Haiti or Northtrade.That's only ten. I'm sure there are many more.
Korea. Do you prefer to live in Haiti and put up withSo here is my plan. In order to give the United
roving gangs? Or is North Korea and their internalStates' military a Nobel Prize, we are going to have
security forces better for you. Human rights?to invade the Peace Center and appoint our own
Whatever.2001- The UN. Where have they evercommittee members. Then we can declare the US
gone anywhere and made a difference without themilitary the winner of a Peace Prize.We can probably
US backing them up? But they have gooddo this without hurting anybody. I think Norway is
intentions.1994- Yassar Arafat. The father of modernthe only country in Europe that surrendered faster
day terrorism who became a multi-millionaire bythan France in 1940. When we arrive on the beaches
stealing international aid money from his ownof Norway all those Quislings will probably lie down
people.1990- Mikhail Gorbachev. He thought that heand surrender.If we have to threaten the use of
could reform communism and make it stronger byforce we can use this opportunity to test our new
giving his people a little freedom. He neverF-22 Raptors and drop some bombs in their fjords.
understood the events that unfolded. You can't giveThey will surrender before we kill all of their lutefisk.
the people a little bit of freedom.1988- UNChristmas is almost here and that is lutefisk
Peacekeepers. An ad-hoc group of soldiers whoseason.Besides, what have the Norwegians done for
usually just stand by and watch events such asanybody except send Vikings out to loot, pillage, and
genocide unfold around them. They will do nothingburn villages and monasteries? And they don't like
without the military backing of the US. In fact, theyAmerica. They never have. They sailed here before
tend to sit around and get bored a lot. So they bideanyone else and then turned around and settled
their time with some favorite activities that includeGreenland because they thought that was a nicer
looting, rape and child prostitution.1985- Internationalplace to live. Sure, they tend to do well in the Winter
Physicians for the Prevention of Nuclear War. NowOlympics. But that is only because every event
that is a noble calling. One problem. This organizationrevolves around skiing and Norway is covered in
was a KGB puppet that was organized to try to curbsnow for 46 weeks out of the year. This coincides
US nuclear power. It was chaired by Yevgenynicely with the 46 weeks of vacation the average
Chazov, a member of the Central Committee of theNorwegian worker receives each year.I'm sure the
Communist Party of the Soviet Union. Now that wasUnited Nations would spring into action and send
a pleasant group of peace loving people.Ronaldsome peacekeepers in two or three years. We can
Reagan. Oh no, I'm sorry, my bad. They didn't givethen leave and let the Norwegians bitch slap them
one to him in 1985/86 when he refused to backaround. Meanwhile if the UN tries sanctioning the US,
down to the Soviets with his SDI. Or in 1987, whenwe can sanction them. We can withhold more of our
he gave his "Mr. Gorbachev Tear Down this Wall"dues, lock them out of their own building in New
speech. These two events led to the end of WorldYork City, and make them pay their parking
War III, aka, the Cold War. Conservatives are nottickets.Don't get me started on the UN. Not today.
allowed to win the prize, even if they do get